Mailbag for December 22, 2023
A Brad Pitt PRomance, against the grain reviews, is Bradley Cooper up his own ass, big budget KStew, a Rocky and Rihanna bias, and over the top Christmas celebs
Dear Squawkers,
Brad Pitt turned 60 years old this week, and for someone who supposedly tries to keep his personal life private, we’re getting a lot of information about how he celebrated his milestone birthday. PEOPLE.com, seems to be giving us the whole itinerary.
In a post published on Thursday 21 December, PEOPLE cites multiple sources who considerately piece together for the magazine what Brad and his girlfriend, Ines de Ramon, did for their joint birthdays.
“Their celebratory time together kicked off with a long weekend at a luxury hotel in Paris off the Champs-Elysees, which another source tells PEOPLE was a surprise for Pitt.”
The key details there is that it was a “surprise for Pitt”. Meaning he didn’t plan it or, presumably, pay for it. When we’re getting gossip that includes that kind of information? Like down to who signed the cheque? You know it’s coming from the inside.
The whole thing is hilarious including the bit about how Brad and Ines “ordered a lot of room service”. Thanks, Captain Obvious. Happy for you that at the age of 60, you still fuck good.
But this is the part that made me laugh the hardest. At some point Brad took a break from being a stallion when he and Ines went to the Asaf Avidan show:
“And at the Théâtre du Châtelet, where they attended a folk-rock concert by Asaf Avidan, Pitt and de Ramon ‘were not spotted by onlookers and managed to remain incognito, which was very shocking,’ the source adds.”
Wait, wait, wait…
So they went to the concert and no one bothered them, which is ostensibly what they wanted, but now the source is telling us that they were there anyway, LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL – this is basically a birthday press release. And I’m sure you’ve seen the photos of him at the birthday party? According to Page Six it’s from his cashmere clothing line, worth something like $6000, which surprised me because I thought he might have borrowed it from Steven Seagal. That is a reference only those of us of a certain vintage would understand.
Why, though, is Brad Pitt so desperado? Did you hear about how he got called out by French authorities for underreporting the value of his estate by more than 21 million euros? Shady finances, multiple lawsuits happening at the same time… is someone trying to cover up the stink of his mess by leaking his own romance story? You will note, very few North American media outlets have covered the French tax story. This is what Angelina Jolie has been up against since 2016.
Let’s get to our last mailbag of the year!
Question from Bentia: For Sarah, I just finished reading Angelica Jade Bastien's masterful contra position on Poor Things and I was wondering is it more difficult as a critic to write a good review for a film that the majority of your peers dislike or is disliking a film that is critically heralded the harder stance to take?
Sarah’s answer: First, if you haven’t read Angelica’s review of Poor Things, you can find it here. It’s always worth reading Angelica. I can’t speak for Angelica, but for me, I don’t really care what my peers think about anything. You definitely feel it when you’re the outlier on a high-profile film, but fans are way worse than fellow critics when it comes to negative reviews. The worst place to be is publicly disliking a superhero film, or a Pixar film (ask Vince Mancini how his negative review of Inside Out went down).
What is hard is reviewing a mediocre movie. If it’s good, there’s always an angle to explore how and why it’s good. If it’s bad—same. If it’s so bad it’s insane, like Cats, then the review can become its own form of expression because I am untethered from reality at that point. But middling? Ugh. Can’t stand it. Every middle-of-the-road review starts with “it’s fine” and then I have to work something out from there.
But if you DO commit to a negative review of a high-profile film, there’s a chance a publicist will reach out about changing it. That’s always awkward! I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings but no, I will not rewrite a review for the sake of press. Marketing and criticism are supposed to be separate things.
Question from Colby Richudson: Was it really a snub that Bradley Cooper didn't get a Best Director Oscar nom for A Star Is Born? Is he that good of a director that he could expect the nomination his first time out? Is it common or expected or usual to get a nomination for your debut? Is he the director's equivalent of Garth Brooks trying to beat the Beatles for record sales? Is he really as up his own ass as I think he is or am I just a petty asshole who thinks it's creepy that he wiped Lady Gaga's makeup off her face in that meeting and will just never forgive him for it?
Lainey’s Answer:
It was considered a snub because of all the fucking hype surrounding A Star is Born the year it came out with basically all of Bradley Cooper’s Hollywood friends, some of whom have some clout in the business, like Sean Penn, lining up to call it an iconic directorial debut. And, of course, it was the public hype. I enjoyed ASIB but I didn’t go bonkers over it. There were, however, a lot of people who thought it was the best shit ever – and I’m talking beyond Hollywood, like the general viewing public. So with all the noise that the film was making in the culture, and the fact that the film was actually nominated for Best Picture, in three of the four acting categories, and the adapted screenplay and cinematography categories, and a few more, leaving his name off the directors list did seem, in his defence, like a head scratch.
I don’t know that Bradley Cooper is more up his own ass than anyone else in the same position in Hollywood and frankly, I don’t have an issue with how thirsty he is for the Oscar. It’s OK to want things. It’s understandable for people to covet accolades. For me it’s the disconnect between the wanting and the pretending to not want it.
As for him wiping Lady Gaga’s makeup off her face in that meeting – for you it’s creepy, for me it’s an eyeroll, all these fucking stories about these male directors and their Svengali “vision” for women and how that has become so romanticised in Hollywood. When can we instead start celebrating the true hero shit that directors do? Like Sarah Polley, who basically ran the set of Women Talking like this: we are only working until 5pm every day because everyone has a family they want to get back to; so we’ll show up, we’ll throw down the best work we can, and we’ll go the fuck home. And the result? Multiple Oscar nominations!
Question from Michelle F: On the Kristen Stewart intro...I have been shipping her as Sue Storm in Fantastic Four for years. What’s your casting suggestion for big-budget Kristen? I want to manifest this!
Sarah’s answer:
I’d like to see her try something like Charlie’s Angels again, something that lets her be sexy and funny and cool. Kristen Stewart is so sexy! That movie—by way of director Elizabeth Banks—knew how to use KStew on screen in a really fun way. Let’s skip superhero movies to spare The Discourse, the inevitable comparisons to Robert Pattinson and Batman, but a big-budget action comedy, or something random like Barbie, I’d love to see it.
Comments from molly in one of this week’s daily chats: Anyone else find it bizarre that Lainey is so pro-Rihanna and Rocky..... GUSHING about him being so supportive even though he is ON TRIAL FOR SHOOTING someone and faces jail time. He has also been in jail for assault? Just me?
this is a good breakdown. https://www.forbes.com/sites/mollybohannon/2023/11/20/rapper-aap-rocky-will-face-trial-for-allegedly-firing-gun-at-childhood-friend/?sh=48285cee6851
He was also arrested and convicted in Sweden on an assault charge.....I'm not too familiar with that case. I have been a LONG time reader of Lainey's (like when it first started) so very much a fan but I get more and more annoyed at the hypocrisy she shows regarding people she likes and is loyal to versus another celeb that has done much worse.
Lainey’s Answer:
I’ll start in Sweden. Yes, Rocky was arrested and found guilty of assault in Sweden. However, that’s an incomplete description of that whole mess. There is video that shows that Rocky and friends were being followed by the two men who eventually claimed they were victims and Rocky can be heard saying he didn’t want any trouble. A scuffle breaks out. Rocky is detained the next day. For an entire month. Over a street fight.
For comparison, G-Eazy was also arrested in Sweden the year before, in 2018, for assault, drug possession, and use of narcotics. Video from the incident clearly shows G-Eazy attacking security guards, he was the instigator. It was then discovered that he had cocaine on him. While Rocky pleaded not guilty, G-Eazy pled guilty, and ended up with probation, a $10K fine, and was released after A DAY AND A HALF.
Again, Rocky was in there for a full month. For a lot of people then, the math wasn’t mathing.
Still, even if we strip the story of all the other complicated details and take it to a basic level, that Rocky just beat someone up for no reason, he did his time. He was punished. He was jailed, he lost money from the cancelled shows, was alone behind bars in a foreign country away from his family and his friends. Institutional “justice” was served. Should there be “cultural” justice that follows once a celebrity has paid the institutional price?
It's an interesting question, I don’t know what the answer is, but that’s what we do here and at LaineyGossip – participate in and analyse culture. Mark Wahlberg comes to mind right now because when he was 16 years old, he committed a hate crime against two Asian men, and was sentenced to two years in prison; he eventually served only 45 days. But he met the conditions of institutional justice, and he went on to become a big movie star. Clearly what happened in his youth did not limit his opportunities. But then, many years later, after he found all that success, he tried to have his record pardoned. The request had something to do with his business, something something about how his former crime was getting in the way of his business interests.
This is when the cultural justice kicked in. There was huge backlash against this move and he ended up rescinding his application for a pardon in response to the outcry.
To go back to Rocky – since the institutional justice has been taken care of, what’s the cultural justice for him getting into a street fight in Sweden with two dudes?
Is it presuming his guilt in the alleged shooting a couple of years later? Since he got into a street fight with two men who may or may not have been harassing him in Sweden, do we presume that for sure he fired a gun on one of his former friends, even before the case goes to trial? You provided a link to the case. Here’s another link, a more thorough summary of the situation. There’s a lot of finger pointing happening here. A$AP Relli is saying that Rocky turned his back on his boys, isn’t doing right by their crew, and alleging that Rocky shot him. Rocky is claiming that this is an extortion attempt by a jealous former associate and that Relli has asked him for money to make it all go away and that they have the evidence to prove it. There are layers and layers of friend drama happening here and it’ll all presumably come out in court eventually.
Am I a hypocrite because I love Rihanna and, by extension, Rocky so much? I can’t deny it. I certainly don’t want to believe that Rocky might be using her in the court of public opinion in this case. So for sure there is bias involved, as there always is when we are gossiping, aka communicating. One of the central theses of my work is that gossip tells us more about who we are than the people we’re talking about because each of us sees a story through our own individual lenses that are shaped and informed by our own individual experiences. My Rihanna lens is rosy, and I will admit, I’m hoping that Rocky did not do what he’s been accused of doing. At the same time, I’d like to think that should it become undeniable during the trial that he did in fact shoot at his friend, and subsequently goes to prison for it, I’m not going to be out here holding up a “Free Rocky” sign outside the courthouse. But then, if that time comes, to go back our earlier question, if he’s in there serving the institutional justice, what is cultural justice?
Rocky would be in prison so I can’t see myself continuing to obsess over a romance where one person is on the outside raising her two babies while their father is behind bars. As fangirly as I can be, not even I’m capable of that kind of hard-shipping. Would there be a way of continuing to fangirl over just Rihanna independent of Rocky? Do we bomb Rihanna’s IG comments with advice telling her to let his ass rot in jail?
All questions to consider during and after trial, if that’s how it shakes out. For now, though, given how messy and complicated the situation is, with all that history between the A$AP Mob members, there’s really no clarity here. Until there is more clarity, I’m living in this bias for Rihanna and Rocky – and what does that say about me? Let me know in the comments.
Question from Charlotte: A List: Celebrities known for having The Most Lavish, Extra Christmases! Mariah, sure. Martha and Oprah? Who else is known to go all out? What is the Most Extra Thing you've ever heard of anyone doing for Christmas?
Sarah’s answer:
DANNY ELFMAN AND BRIDGET FONDA. First of all, did you know they’re married? They are! I know Elfman is on the sh-t list, but I love that Bridget Fonda legit just walked away at the height of her career to be chill (and raise their kid). Anyway, they used to live in this MASSIVE mansion in Hancock Park, the first old-money neighborhood in Los Angeles (new money built in Bel Air, old money built in Hancock Park). They threw a legendary Christmas party every year, complete with unique themes that encompassed music, menus, décor. People often dressed to match the theme. Forget the parties at CAA and WME, that was THE invite to get. I think Jane Fonda was the only person to ever get away with posting photos from inside.
Conan O’Brien also has a well-known party every year, it’s basically a comedy hit list of who’s who. People joke that getting passed at the Comedy Store (meaning being approved to perform as a regular) can make your career, but so can one trip to a Conan Christmas party. Although networking is frowned upon and only Tig Notaro gets away with doing elaborate bits. It’s supposed to be a night to switch off, but people will insist on trying to impress Conan (don’t! You won’t!). But it’s the kind of party where you can make the right person laugh and end up with an audition or added to a bigger comedian’s show lineup. But impressing comedians and networking with them…that’s a whole other topic.
As for over-the-top celebrations, there’s a lot of performative nonsense during the holidays. Brentwood has some famous HOA blowups over decorations and what counts as “tasteful”, but most people leave LA for the holidays, that city is not conducive to the Christmas spirit (see also: Mixed Nuts). One thing that stands out to me is hearing that Seth Rogen and his creative partner, Evan Goldberg, are very generous with their employees during Hanukkah and the holidays. That’s always good to hear.
Question from Rachel T: Do you think Mariah Carey is a good skier? She’s always in Aspen! And I see pics of her on skis. I can see her being so good at it, bc she’s great at things she loves. But also I think of her constantly in high heels and having her hand held and that clip of her in a golf cart... She doesn’t give off “hearty outdoorsy” vibes. Relatedly, what does the LG team think of skiing? Skiing and golf are sister sports in my mind. I don’t have great balance nor do I have great coordination, so I was shocked how much I enjoyed my first ski lesson as a middle aged adult last year. And I was the best one in my adult beginners class (low bar!! Did not fall down!!).
Lainey’s Answer:
Thank you for this wonderful question to end the final mailbag of 2023. It is perfect.
I understand why you are asking – because we see Mimi posing and mildly frolicking in the snow, in her sexy ski gear, a lot. But we don’t often get footage of her actually skiing. They do pap her on the gondola though and I have seen video of her taking ski lessons way back in the 2000s so I do think she is capable of skiing, I just can’t imagine her being… an aggressive skier, lol. And in that sense, maybe skiing is the perfect sport for her. Because if you’re not looking for speed, and if you keep it to a green slope, you can glide. Like all she has to do is shift her weight from one side to the another. It might actually be less effort than walking! And then she gets a natural wind machine!
But when is the last time you watched the original video for “All I Want For Christmas … Is You”? Because our Mimi actually RUNS, multiple times!, in that video. Running in the snow – it’s a lot harder than running without snow! And there she is, our angel butterfly, using all her quads and hamstrings, in her cute red snowsuit, exerting herself through all that powder! She also, incredibly, goes sledding… headfirst!
On that wholesome note, we’re just about done. As mentioned, this is our last mailbag and full entry of 2023. There will be no newsletter next Tuesday and no mailbag next Friday and LaineyGossip will be dark all next week.
But!
We’ll still be chatting here at The Squawk. We’ll post a “General Holiday” chat for some quick gossip commentary during the holidays and I might start one or two threads in the main section like, you know, if Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce come out with some kind of Christmas surprise. So please visit, as that was always one of the main goals of The Squawk – to build a community of informed gossips and our community will remain active and open through the holiday break.
THANK YOU for joining this community. The Squawk has been one of the best highlights of 2023 for us. We had big hopes for it – and you have fulfilled those hopes, and more. To borrow from Beyoncé, YOU are the gift, baby. You are the best gift.
Wishing you a very safe, happy, and healthy holiday!
Keep squawking, keep gossiping,
Lainey and Sarah
This was a banger of a mailbag! What a perfect way to close out the year.
I'm slow on the uptake so I just realized that (has it always been the case) at least lately Lainey begins the mailbag with a topic, and then proceeds to answer questions. So now I'm super curious as to how Lainey selects the opener topic.
And I'm not sure if I harbored any great hopes for The Squawk--once I realized what it is I immediately signed up, as repayment rather than in expectation of receiving additional value--but what bang for the buck!
The Squawk has been the best development in my gossip consumption since I found Lainey Gossip in the oughts.
I am processing the Rihanna/Rocky note but just want to say I appreciate you engaging with the criticism/comment in a thoughtful way instead of deleting or ignoring it.