On the topic of work guilt, and not giving work more than it deserves (which is your attention for whatever amount of time they're paying you, and not one second more). I want to share something my great aunt Martila told me when I was young. She made me do etiquette lessons because she was ancient (literally, born in 1890s and was 90+ when I was a kid). She was from a different world, admittedly, but she absolutely loathed how people talked about work so much. "It's boring!" she would say. Her advice?
When you meet someone new, never ask what they do. Especially in America, that's a fall back of small talk. "What do you do?" She said to ask "HOW do you do?" instead. Or ask where they're from, or how they're enjoying the party/event/whatever. Literally ask anything except "what do you do". You will have better conversation, and get to know people better as a result. And you won't waste time talking about work!
Yes! (I also think "What do you do?" is the most boring question of all time.) Work not only steals our daytime hours but also after-hours because all people can talk about is what they do, or what's happening at work, because for far too many of us, that is the extent of our lives (which is sad, but also true). I was walking around with a friend and all she could talk about was work (I'm talking hours here, not a quick check-in), which in turn made me talk about work, and finally I said, "ok, new rule, let's not talk about work--what else is going on?" and as I recall she was quite hurt and the conversation kind of died... and eventually she ended up just talking about work again. It's a hard cycle to break out of.
Thank you Lil for “why Drake?” 😭 Why Drake?? I, like Lainey, am obligated to like Drake, but I cannot. How many Black Jewish rappers do we have??? This is a gift and in a better world Drake would be my favorite rapper. But Drake is trash, imho. What bothers me about Drake is not just that he’s oatmeal (thank you Sarah!), I find him deeply problematic. His type of casual misogyny / misogynoir informs a very harmful dynamic. And these songs are supposed to be sexy?? What??
He brags (brags!) about harassing JLo so much she had to change her number. First of all, how dare you. Second of all, if he’s doing that to JLo, what is he doing to the IG/OF/PH cohort we know he prefers? He hypersexualizes women while pretending to be “lovesick”, while also whore-shaming the mother of his child.
And he dares DARES to call Rihanna boring in bed after we know he has been crying over her for a decade. That is vindictive fury that a woman knows she is better than you, and I am tired of seeing it aimed at women, especially Black women.
What’s funny is - I bet Rihanna did have boring sex with him. Because Drake has sex with women who are performing sex for him. It is an audition, they are stunt women, they are at work, there is a Birkin in play here. They are not there to get off. Rihanna is not breaking her back for someone who cannot find her gspot, PLEASE. So I bet she was bored, and, in turn, boring. And Drake thinks that’s a flex, to point out that if he tries punching at or far above his weight class he has nothing to offer. I think Drake is the DK Khalid of fuck boys.
Okay I’m sorry, too long for a Friday morning lol, but I cannot stand this man and I am even more angry that I do not get to enjoy a Jewish rapper.
Also I miss funny rappers! I will concede that Drake has an excellent sense of humor and timing, but it’s not like listening to someone like Lil Wayne who was just constantly absurd.
He is good! As someone who grew up in NY in the 90s white rappers are hard for me. But I appreciate a white rapper who stands pretty firmly in their own lived experience, like Lil Dicky. Mykki Blanco is probably my favorite Jewish rapper, although she crosses a lot of genres. I went to see The Fugees this week and I was reminded how much Hebrew and Yiddish is sprinkled into hip hop in general, which was fun.
Ahahahhshha I am sorry but this cake is just so funny. You are hilarious! “Rihanna is not breaking her back for someone who cannot find her Gspot!” Lol forever.
Oatmeal is the best description! My curiosity finally came to the point where I HAD to know and I knew I was in a safe space here to ask that question. Why Drake has been stuck in my craw for a long time and I'm so thankful I finally was able to ask and even have the question answered! Thank you Sarah & Lainey and my fellow Laineyphiles.
Clown rap. Drake is a professional instigator and I would pose that he's a vulture of the cultural variety. Being Black and Jewish should have been a perspective for him to make art from, but he's insisting on clowning instead because it's paying him massively to be mediocre. From a gossip standpoint, I do want to know what is said about him inside the celebrity bubble. Pusha T might be telling us everything that is said as he's dragged that cornball for filth. Men are the best gossipers.
Lainey, am I the only one who just assumed Drake wasn’t good at seeing his strengths because his self-consciousness about being a child star blinds him? I feel like he’s constantly trying to make us forget he was in Degrassi and what an earnest, sweet character Jimmy was.
This whole reply is so funny to me. I will add that there are a few songs by Drake that I legit like… but here’s the kicker!!! I just realized they all are songs with women!! So here he is, another guy who is most (only?) interesting when women carry him. Yawn! And ewww.
Thank you so much for sharing how you’ve struggled with work guilt, Lainey. I’m going to guess I’m like a lot of people here who have a hard time with people pleasing and disappointing others and feeling like I’m not pulling my weight when I’m taking (a deserved) break. I recently broke into tears when I had to say no to something a friend and colleague asked me to do. I felt so guilty and worried about letting down someone I respect and care about. And then I also took it a step further and beat myself up for being such a “baby” about saying no! I can’t believe I am 41 years old and still have a hard time with this shit! So it helps to hear someone I respect (you) share your own experience with work guilt and to hear that we can get better at shaking it off, if not avoiding it completely.
I know nothing about your colleague, but I will say that if someone did that to me that would also be a gift. Because you giving yourself permission to say no demonstrates to others that they should do it too. I have a boss who doesn’t work while on vacation and it is a fantastic leadership moment. So even if I really needed the help, I would be excited about someone normalizing setting a boundary (which I struggle with too!)
Asking for help is big for me. And I realised eventually it's a function of perfectionism - and on that note, I did an interview a couple of years ago with an Indigenous artist who told me "perfectionism is a function of white supremacy". It basically upholds impossible standards that entrench the status quo. This was life-changing for me. I'm way better at asking for help now, and that means sharing the work. I ask Sarah for help all the time, lol. She's helping me right now!
I have so much to say on work guilt front but all I’ll add is that it took me two concussions in six months and trying to work through recovery before I realized I actually couldn’t recover from it without being off work -- and when I did, it wasn’t the end of the world and I wasn’t the only one who could do the work (or it got done differently or surprise surprise the work didn’t get done and that was ok too). I had always struggled with feeling like I was the work hero/martyr until a doctor told me I had to take time off. And when I returned, I had to return gradually and for the first time in my 15 year career learn to have boundaries and say “no”. I have since left the (paid) workforce for family priorities and even now I have to continually remind myself not to feel shame about the decision -- and read into other people’s questions or comments about my life change that it doesn’t mean I’m “less than”. It’s been hardwired for so long it can be so difficult to untangle. I appreciate this conversation a lot and I wonder when it is less up to individuals and more up to society, large company culture and real change in perspectives about mental health and work life harmony vs. Lip service to tip the scales where people can be more detached from the strain of work guilt.
I completely get the guilt. At 40, I was at the height of my teaching career and in the process of completing my MA thesis for a potential move into human resources. I chaired many committees and ran many clubs - in addition to an extensive commitment with the local theatre community. I was the embodiment of hustle culture. Sleep was for the weak!
Then. Something happened.
I got sick. Really really sick. In what seemed to happen in a New York minute, I was physically and mentally shattered. My entire world stopped as my health demanded her time. I ended up on a teaching leave and all other commitments rapidly ceased. 7 months later, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. It was bad. My neurologist posited that I had likely been living with MS for about 5 years. Upon reflection, I could account for many instances when I ignored warning signs. I was too busy!
It’s been 7 years of living with aggressive MS. My life has followed a different path, and I’ve learned to embrace this. What I can tell you (or anyone else experiencing guilt)? You’re not as indispensable as you may think. Remarkably, as my health forcefully removed me from all of my important jobs and tasks, I was somewhat astounded to note that the wild world kept turning. New people stepped in and stepped up to fill the void of me. Certainly, I was missed. . .but life moves on at a rapid pace. If there is a lesson in my health journey, it’s to remind women to prioritize their wellness (not in some insipid Goop manner). Sometimes, wellness is simply saying no. Without explanation. Without caveats. Without guilt.
What fortuitous timing to discuss work guilt - it's my birthday today and I took the day off after SO MUCH humming and hawing. Definitely felt the guilt. I work in health care, that might say it all. There is a book by Sarah Jaffe called "Work Won't Love You Back: How Devotion to Our Jobs Keep Us Exploited, Exhausted, and Alone." I love my work - which is a gift. But I don't love the entity that is my employer, and I know that they could care less about me. My workplace doesn't love me back. Knowing that puts things in perspective.
I can relate so much. Am struggling to pull the trigger on taking a sabbatical to deal with burnout. Have reconciled myself to the financial hit and have gotten agreement in principle from my job to take one - but I just can't get over guilt/shame at stepping away from my unfinished projects (increased by fact that they aren't in as great a shape as they should be, due to my burnout). I think I'll eventually pull the trigger when I get tired of listening to myself whine about it.
You have to be present for yourself before you can be present for other people. Work guilt is real, but if you know you need to step away, then you need to step away, so that you can be present for yourself again. I hope you get a chance to take a break.
I know you’re not quite there yet LazyCat but it’s really cool to hear this story and I hope you pull the trigger soon. We give ourselves So Little grace, it’s terrible. Life >> flawless project deliverable.
I feel this SO much. The will to work was there but my body just shut down on me in unending pain and exhaustion. I took that as a sign that my body knew what my mind was still too stubborn to see. I’m rooting for you to get some rest!
Yes, this is a huge reason he's successful. LOL He is milquetoast mainstream. His looks, light skin and Canadian-ness, allows him to sell well in the burbs and his father's lineage, and his affiliation with Cash Money, gives him access to the urban audience which he needed to build his career. He also sounded ALOT like Wayne when he dropped. That helped, too. Drake and his ghost writers are good. They've become less inspired in recent years but his lyrics are never complete trash. There are worse. And, while he can put out a club bop, no one puts him in the Nas, Kendrick Lamar, J. Cole category. But production wise (last album excluded) Drake and his team have an ear for what will get the club jumpin. As long as his and his team's ears stay fine tuned to what the clubs want, he will continue sell and stream and piss off his haters.
Hahaha and his ghost writers. Kendrick said it best - “Oh no, I swore I wouldn't tell, but most of y'all share bars like you got the bottom bunk in a two man cell”
Part of the workplace guilt I experienced came from the company understaffing my department. When we were all present and working our butts off, we could just barely keep our heads above water. So when one of us was absent for chronic illness/bereavement/vacation, there was no backup. I don’t regret taking time off to be with my mom after my dad died, but I did feel guilty about the chaos my teammates struggled through. But why?! Why was *I* the one feeling bad?? If the company had built in some contingency plans, maybe we all would have felt a little less crummy about the situation and the company would have saved themselves some hassle in the long run (within 18 months, every single person on the team had quit). I definitely think it’s worth exploring how “being a good employee” and “taking ownership of your job” can leave us feeling personal guilt over something that is a systemic problem.
Re: Mimi vs JLO - I agree, Lainey. The fabulousness of their feud is that they both know they are fabulous. LOL From what I remember reading, Mariah feels a certain way about JLo because her ex-husband Tommy, a powerful label exec, got JaRule to do a feature on a JLo song and put the song out before Mariah could get her song out with JaRule so Mariah removed Ja from the record and enlisted another rapper. Mariah felt like this was one of many instances of Tommy sabotaging her work. JLo was working on her second album at the time and probably had no clue of Tommy's motives. But, Mimi's bad marriage era with Tommy was traumatic for her and so anybody associated with him, intentionally or not, and his evil schemes she distanced herself from. As for the claims JLo stole records, alot of that is just JLo hate. The only instances you see recycled are about singers Christina Milian, Amerie and Ashanti. Christina Milian posts in support of JLo all the time and squashes these rumors when she sees them on social. She says that she gave "Play" which she co-wrote, to JLo because she didn't want two party records on her album and she notes she received credit and was honored to do it. With the Amerie song "One Thing" the story goes the label wanted JLo to have the record because they knew it would be an even bigger hit with her, so Amerie released it early. Good for her. I love that song to this day, but as much as I love Amerie, the song would have been an even bigger global hit had JLo released it and the label would have made more money off it. And, Ashanti penned a couple of JLo records and provided backing vocals and was credited and compensated. Ashanti is friendly with JLo to this day and was even at one of her birthday parties in recent years. In the label system, as it existed back in the early 2000s, jockeying for records was common. I read not long ago, Britney wanted Ciara's Goodies record. Some Amerie fans are still bitter about how, allegedly, Bey stole Amerie's sound to launch her own solo career with Crazy In Love. The truth is, everyone wants to work with the hottest songwriters, producers, or rappers of the moment, so it's actually really easy to have stretches where everyone's music sounds the same or have similar elements. Anyway, like Lainey says, I think both women kind of stick to a close circle of family and friends for the most part, but I have seen where they do seem to have friendships/friendly associations with other celebs they just don't promote them.
JLo is lovely, but there's no way she could have done a better job at the vocals of "One Thing". A wider audience? Absolutely. "Get Right " was a similar vibe. Amerie was right to put it out because it's attached to her in perpetuity. Mimi seems to have Black Atlanta celebrity relationships (The Bray, Jermaine Dupri and her backup singers).
Hi - Never said she would have done a better job vocally, but yes, a JLo version would have sold more for sure. Get Right, One Thing, and Crazy in Love are all Rich Harrison songs. I believe Amerie worked with him first and with her being from D.C. the whole go go vibe was considered hers. Then, Bey came out with Crazy in Love and it seemed like highway robbery. It's one of the things other fanbases of RnB artists like Amerie have held against Beyonce for years. There are many youtube videos, articles and social threads dedicated to did Bey steal Amerie's sound and career. I don't think she did at all. It's the business. I say all this to say that not just JLo gets accused. I think it happens with success. Yes, Mimi associates with Jermaine Dupri (who produced her rnb hits after she divorced Tommy) and DaBrat who was Jermaine's artist and Brat considers him her brother. JLo is close with her team: Benny Medina (her manager - The Fresh Prince of Bellair is based on his life), her vocal coach Steve Mackey who went to my cousin's HBCU, and Shawn Barton who I remember from the Biggie video days. Both these ladies keep it small. Both are New Yorkers, are the same age, have dated their backup dancers and are extremely successful. They share friends in common too like MJB. I say had Tommy not gotten in the way, they would possibly be friends. Men!
I just wanted to say her voice was better. I didn't think that was your point. Beyonce having sticky fingers when it comes to songs is something I had heard regarding "If I Was a Boy", but I had no idea about this whole stealing of Amerie's career conspiracy theory. When it comes to Beyonce and any other artist from TX, I'm biased even if they're not my personal favorite. Did Beyonce have a phase where she was mimicking? I recall her Shakira hip rolling before they did their collab. She's managed to make it more of an appreciation than taking ownership lately and I'm glad about that. Beyonce probably committed some sins, but she's from TX so I cannot give her much criticism. Same with Jessica Simpson, Willie Nelson etc. It's not that I am advocating for TX over everything, but it's just ingrained.
I just don't think Mimi would respect Jlo because the singing is not it. Besides, at one point she wasn't gelling with Whitney. Idk.
Understood. Don't mess with Texas. LOL But who wasn't getting with Whitney? Mariah and Whitney started off rough because the industry tried to pit them against each other but they became friends at the end. I don't think JLo or Whitney knew each other like that to even have a problem. As for Bey mimicking, yeah, she was accused for years, probably every era until Lemonade. I still think alot of that is just when everyone works with the top people (songwriters, producers, stylists, artistic directors, etc.) there are bound to be similarities.
They did find a way to friendship, but I feel like they had an Aretha rule about singing. I'm not saying I'm correct, but I think the professional respect would be low with Mimi and Jennifer. It's not common that light skilled singers inhabit the same space as real singers. However, Jlo conquered film and Mimi probably could have given her help. HOWEVER, Jlo was also stepping over boundaries with her dating of Diddy when he clearly had a girlfriend (she wore the stink more than he did and look at him now... still community property).I don't know about black celebrity women, but in regular life Jlo was not spoken of positively because of that. I enjoy her, but I just don't know that she's schmoozing and gathering a power clique like Gwyneth. I think Lainey has a point regarding how they keep it consistent and very tight without being showy.
I agree regarding the similarities of production creating similar outputs. The machine doesn't actually reward unique work.
And a follow up comment that I completely agree with Lainey’s theory about Taylor’s desire to be chill and “normal” (as much as a super famous star can be normal!). It’s why she goes out to dinner with her girlfriends (as that excellent Vulture piece pointed out) and is seen wearing brands like Free People and Reformation that her fan base can potentially buy themselves. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the lines from her song “King of My Heart” that go “drinking beer out of plastic cups / say you fancy me, not fancy stuff / baby, all at once, this is enough.” I think Taylor consistently celebrates the ordinary in her music, which is part celebrity branding, but call me naive, I think partly real and true for her! And it’s definitely the way she writes about romance in her songs. Maybe in Travis she’s found the guy that can do both normal and celebrity.
IIRC, I think Taylor once said she didn't like NDAs because it automatically turned any kind of interaction into a business transaction and she both didn't like that and thought it made people more likely to want to leak, etc. I think the gist was once you turn it into a formal agreement, then people don't feel bad about leaking because their interaction with you is just a business transaction (which is what you made it by handing them a contract). I am sure some of that was performative and that she does sometimes use NDAs, but I thought it was interesting nonetheless. And honestly pretty insightful about using people's emotions to keep them in check (not necessarily in a bad way).
This is the only way I would believe Taylor wouldn’t ask people to sign NDAs. I LOVE Taylor (borderline obsession) but I take her at her word when she says she’s Machiavellian. That woman is playing 4D chess at all times and I refuse to take anything she does at face value.
This is probably a very naive take but I think, like how she alludes to keeping her side of the street clean in “karma”, she also doesn’t feel like she has skeletons to hide. I doubt that’s the only consideration but maybe a piece of the puzzle.
I don't have a career that I care about so that might make me an outlier here (congrats to all of you who work in your chosen fields and kick ass in them) so I just never developed any feelings for the work I've done. Anyone could do the jobs I've had, as a consequence I've never felt any guilt over taking time off when I needed it or just plain quitting when I didn't want to do them anymore. I certainly respect that Lainey, Sarah and a lot of you have great careers, you worked hard to earn them but some of us just have jobs, they pay us to keep a roof over our heads and food in our bellies, I cannot give something like that my heart and soul, so I'm certainly never going to feel guilty for the times I didn't do them to the best of my ability or just up and left, I was a cog, I'll never be more than that so they aren't getting my guilt. Nope.
Even liking my day job, they have my attention from 9-5 M-F, if they want more than that, they can pay overtime. I will fuck off on vacation and not think about work once. Work is not family, work does not love me, work will not care for me when I'm old. Admittedly, it took me some time to get over the work guilt, but it is so freeing to put work in its proper place--not in my top 3 priorities.
I care WAY more about what I do here with LG, I am more inclined to feel work guilt for LG, but Lainey would never put that on me, which is the difference.
I really wish I had heard more of this perspective growing up. There was so much emphasis on doing “finding your passion” and “doing what you love.” I think that gave me some unhealthy ideas about where to find fulfillment in life. One pandemic and professional burnout later I’m starting to care about work as much as the employer cares about me (that is: only as much as it’s useful to me)
I do not remember where I heard this, but I'm almost certain it was a Ted Talk, and someone said something like--"finding your passion" is a trap to convince people to put work first over family and personal enrichment. Some people are lucky enough to have jobs that they're passionate about, but most of us will just work for wages. There's nothing wrong with saying work isn't a top priority, there's nothing wrong with treating your job like what it is--your job. It's not your life or who you are. It's just your job.
+100 on the work guilt. I'm on a sabbatical right now, and I feel guilty for not working while my partner is working. And then I also feel guilty if I haven't done something productive during the day when the whole point of the sabbatical is to relax.
Have any LG writers felt like they were shit writers when they first started? I constantly feel like I’m the shittiest writer in the room, and it’s starting to weigh on me, to the point where I want to leave television for good. I have no problem pulling ideas out of my ass,but when it comes to writing, I don’t know how to improve. It’s so nuanced and open to interpretation, unlike math where there’s a “formula.“
Unfortunately, there's definitely not a formula. But in terms of improvement, the only way to do it is to keep doing it. Like Lainey said you can't fix nothing.
Read everything. If you're writing for film/TV watch everything, too. Even if it's not your personal taste the more you take in, the more you can put out. And just keep grinding. What helps me is that I have a file called "garbage" that is full of fragments and stupid stuff that I'm never going to turn into anything, but when I'm stuck and the juices aren't flowing, I just work in the garbage file until something knocks loose. The only way out is through.
"I guess he’s kind of like Justin Timberlake" - this feels so much like "Bless his heart" levels of shade. Even it wasn't written with that in mind, I still love it and choose to interpret it that way. Thank you, Lainey & Sarah, for answering my question. And now I'm totally looking forward to Lainey's Drake piece.
There's no post about today's Taylor story but wanted to clarify that she will NOT be rerecording Lover as she already owns it (Lainey wrote: "so now they’re also thinking that Lover will be the next re-recorded album to drop at some point".) The theory is she will be announcing reputation's release date tonight as it's the 6th anniversary of its original release and apparently the light-up bracelets flashed six times similarly to three times before the announcement of her third album Speak Now and five times before 1989.
I also emailed Lainey about her owning Lover and then laughed so hard at myself for a) knowing and b) caring enough to email. Travis is in Argentina though, can’t wait for the next episode of the TNT rom com. Maybe she’s wearing pink because she’s in love.
On the topic of work guilt, and not giving work more than it deserves (which is your attention for whatever amount of time they're paying you, and not one second more). I want to share something my great aunt Martila told me when I was young. She made me do etiquette lessons because she was ancient (literally, born in 1890s and was 90+ when I was a kid). She was from a different world, admittedly, but she absolutely loathed how people talked about work so much. "It's boring!" she would say. Her advice?
When you meet someone new, never ask what they do. Especially in America, that's a fall back of small talk. "What do you do?" She said to ask "HOW do you do?" instead. Or ask where they're from, or how they're enjoying the party/event/whatever. Literally ask anything except "what do you do". You will have better conversation, and get to know people better as a result. And you won't waste time talking about work!
Yes! (I also think "What do you do?" is the most boring question of all time.) Work not only steals our daytime hours but also after-hours because all people can talk about is what they do, or what's happening at work, because for far too many of us, that is the extent of our lives (which is sad, but also true). I was walking around with a friend and all she could talk about was work (I'm talking hours here, not a quick check-in), which in turn made me talk about work, and finally I said, "ok, new rule, let's not talk about work--what else is going on?" and as I recall she was quite hurt and the conversation kind of died... and eventually she ended up just talking about work again. It's a hard cycle to break out of.
Thank you Lil for “why Drake?” 😭 Why Drake?? I, like Lainey, am obligated to like Drake, but I cannot. How many Black Jewish rappers do we have??? This is a gift and in a better world Drake would be my favorite rapper. But Drake is trash, imho. What bothers me about Drake is not just that he’s oatmeal (thank you Sarah!), I find him deeply problematic. His type of casual misogyny / misogynoir informs a very harmful dynamic. And these songs are supposed to be sexy?? What??
He brags (brags!) about harassing JLo so much she had to change her number. First of all, how dare you. Second of all, if he’s doing that to JLo, what is he doing to the IG/OF/PH cohort we know he prefers? He hypersexualizes women while pretending to be “lovesick”, while also whore-shaming the mother of his child.
And he dares DARES to call Rihanna boring in bed after we know he has been crying over her for a decade. That is vindictive fury that a woman knows she is better than you, and I am tired of seeing it aimed at women, especially Black women.
What’s funny is - I bet Rihanna did have boring sex with him. Because Drake has sex with women who are performing sex for him. It is an audition, they are stunt women, they are at work, there is a Birkin in play here. They are not there to get off. Rihanna is not breaking her back for someone who cannot find her gspot, PLEASE. So I bet she was bored, and, in turn, boring. And Drake thinks that’s a flex, to point out that if he tries punching at or far above his weight class he has nothing to offer. I think Drake is the DK Khalid of fuck boys.
Okay I’m sorry, too long for a Friday morning lol, but I cannot stand this man and I am even more angry that I do not get to enjoy a Jewish rapper.
Have you listened to Lil Dicky? Granted he is also a comedian, but he's actually a good rapper, and he is of Jewish descent. He's repping.
Dave Burd (aka Lil Dicky) is also SO good on his show Dave! Love the music on the show and it is also so clever and hilarious.
Also I miss funny rappers! I will concede that Drake has an excellent sense of humor and timing, but it’s not like listening to someone like Lil Wayne who was just constantly absurd.
He is good! As someone who grew up in NY in the 90s white rappers are hard for me. But I appreciate a white rapper who stands pretty firmly in their own lived experience, like Lil Dicky. Mykki Blanco is probably my favorite Jewish rapper, although she crosses a lot of genres. I went to see The Fugees this week and I was reminded how much Hebrew and Yiddish is sprinkled into hip hop in general, which was fun.
Ahahahhshha I am sorry but this cake is just so funny. You are hilarious! “Rihanna is not breaking her back for someone who cannot find her Gspot!” Lol forever.
*take! Damn you, autocorrect.
Got me with DK Khalid haha.
Oatmeal is the best description! My curiosity finally came to the point where I HAD to know and I knew I was in a safe space here to ask that question. Why Drake has been stuck in my craw for a long time and I'm so thankful I finally was able to ask and even have the question answered! Thank you Sarah & Lainey and my fellow Laineyphiles.
Clown rap. Drake is a professional instigator and I would pose that he's a vulture of the cultural variety. Being Black and Jewish should have been a perspective for him to make art from, but he's insisting on clowning instead because it's paying him massively to be mediocre. From a gossip standpoint, I do want to know what is said about him inside the celebrity bubble. Pusha T might be telling us everything that is said as he's dragged that cornball for filth. Men are the best gossipers.
Lainey, am I the only one who just assumed Drake wasn’t good at seeing his strengths because his self-consciousness about being a child star blinds him? I feel like he’s constantly trying to make us forget he was in Degrassi and what an earnest, sweet character Jimmy was.
Part of my theory is that he's constantly comparing himself to a couple of people and he KNOWS he can never be them
This whole reply is so funny to me. I will add that there are a few songs by Drake that I legit like… but here’s the kicker!!! I just realized they all are songs with women!! So here he is, another guy who is most (only?) interesting when women carry him. Yawn! And ewww.
Thank you so much for sharing how you’ve struggled with work guilt, Lainey. I’m going to guess I’m like a lot of people here who have a hard time with people pleasing and disappointing others and feeling like I’m not pulling my weight when I’m taking (a deserved) break. I recently broke into tears when I had to say no to something a friend and colleague asked me to do. I felt so guilty and worried about letting down someone I respect and care about. And then I also took it a step further and beat myself up for being such a “baby” about saying no! I can’t believe I am 41 years old and still have a hard time with this shit! So it helps to hear someone I respect (you) share your own experience with work guilt and to hear that we can get better at shaking it off, if not avoiding it completely.
I know nothing about your colleague, but I will say that if someone did that to me that would also be a gift. Because you giving yourself permission to say no demonstrates to others that they should do it too. I have a boss who doesn’t work while on vacation and it is a fantastic leadership moment. So even if I really needed the help, I would be excited about someone normalizing setting a boundary (which I struggle with too!)
Asking for help is big for me. And I realised eventually it's a function of perfectionism - and on that note, I did an interview a couple of years ago with an Indigenous artist who told me "perfectionism is a function of white supremacy". It basically upholds impossible standards that entrench the status quo. This was life-changing for me. I'm way better at asking for help now, and that means sharing the work. I ask Sarah for help all the time, lol. She's helping me right now!
Thank you, Nadya! That’s such a wise way to reframe it!
I have so much to say on work guilt front but all I’ll add is that it took me two concussions in six months and trying to work through recovery before I realized I actually couldn’t recover from it without being off work -- and when I did, it wasn’t the end of the world and I wasn’t the only one who could do the work (or it got done differently or surprise surprise the work didn’t get done and that was ok too). I had always struggled with feeling like I was the work hero/martyr until a doctor told me I had to take time off. And when I returned, I had to return gradually and for the first time in my 15 year career learn to have boundaries and say “no”. I have since left the (paid) workforce for family priorities and even now I have to continually remind myself not to feel shame about the decision -- and read into other people’s questions or comments about my life change that it doesn’t mean I’m “less than”. It’s been hardwired for so long it can be so difficult to untangle. I appreciate this conversation a lot and I wonder when it is less up to individuals and more up to society, large company culture and real change in perspectives about mental health and work life harmony vs. Lip service to tip the scales where people can be more detached from the strain of work guilt.
I completely get the guilt. At 40, I was at the height of my teaching career and in the process of completing my MA thesis for a potential move into human resources. I chaired many committees and ran many clubs - in addition to an extensive commitment with the local theatre community. I was the embodiment of hustle culture. Sleep was for the weak!
Then. Something happened.
I got sick. Really really sick. In what seemed to happen in a New York minute, I was physically and mentally shattered. My entire world stopped as my health demanded her time. I ended up on a teaching leave and all other commitments rapidly ceased. 7 months later, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. It was bad. My neurologist posited that I had likely been living with MS for about 5 years. Upon reflection, I could account for many instances when I ignored warning signs. I was too busy!
It’s been 7 years of living with aggressive MS. My life has followed a different path, and I’ve learned to embrace this. What I can tell you (or anyone else experiencing guilt)? You’re not as indispensable as you may think. Remarkably, as my health forcefully removed me from all of my important jobs and tasks, I was somewhat astounded to note that the wild world kept turning. New people stepped in and stepped up to fill the void of me. Certainly, I was missed. . .but life moves on at a rapid pace. If there is a lesson in my health journey, it’s to remind women to prioritize their wellness (not in some insipid Goop manner). Sometimes, wellness is simply saying no. Without explanation. Without caveats. Without guilt.
Believe me, you’re worth it.⭐️
Thank you for sharing your story Kathryn and I hope your health is as good as it can be! 💜
What fortuitous timing to discuss work guilt - it's my birthday today and I took the day off after SO MUCH humming and hawing. Definitely felt the guilt. I work in health care, that might say it all. There is a book by Sarah Jaffe called "Work Won't Love You Back: How Devotion to Our Jobs Keep Us Exploited, Exhausted, and Alone." I love my work - which is a gift. But I don't love the entity that is my employer, and I know that they could care less about me. My workplace doesn't love me back. Knowing that puts things in perspective.
I can relate so much. Am struggling to pull the trigger on taking a sabbatical to deal with burnout. Have reconciled myself to the financial hit and have gotten agreement in principle from my job to take one - but I just can't get over guilt/shame at stepping away from my unfinished projects (increased by fact that they aren't in as great a shape as they should be, due to my burnout). I think I'll eventually pull the trigger when I get tired of listening to myself whine about it.
You have to be present for yourself before you can be present for other people. Work guilt is real, but if you know you need to step away, then you need to step away, so that you can be present for yourself again. I hope you get a chance to take a break.
I know you’re not quite there yet LazyCat but it’s really cool to hear this story and I hope you pull the trigger soon. We give ourselves So Little grace, it’s terrible. Life >> flawless project deliverable.
I feel this SO much. The will to work was there but my body just shut down on me in unending pain and exhaustion. I took that as a sign that my body knew what my mind was still too stubborn to see. I’m rooting for you to get some rest!
“Drake is hip-hop for people scared of hip-hop.” 👩🍳🤌
Yes, this is a huge reason he's successful. LOL He is milquetoast mainstream. His looks, light skin and Canadian-ness, allows him to sell well in the burbs and his father's lineage, and his affiliation with Cash Money, gives him access to the urban audience which he needed to build his career. He also sounded ALOT like Wayne when he dropped. That helped, too. Drake and his ghost writers are good. They've become less inspired in recent years but his lyrics are never complete trash. There are worse. And, while he can put out a club bop, no one puts him in the Nas, Kendrick Lamar, J. Cole category. But production wise (last album excluded) Drake and his team have an ear for what will get the club jumpin. As long as his and his team's ears stay fine tuned to what the clubs want, he will continue sell and stream and piss off his haters.
Hahaha and his ghost writers. Kendrick said it best - “Oh no, I swore I wouldn't tell, but most of y'all share bars like you got the bottom bunk in a two man cell”
Used to be so shameful, now it’s just ordinary.
ROFL. To Pimp a Butterfly is my favorite Kendrick album and I think of Drake every time on that lyric.
Part of the workplace guilt I experienced came from the company understaffing my department. When we were all present and working our butts off, we could just barely keep our heads above water. So when one of us was absent for chronic illness/bereavement/vacation, there was no backup. I don’t regret taking time off to be with my mom after my dad died, but I did feel guilty about the chaos my teammates struggled through. But why?! Why was *I* the one feeling bad?? If the company had built in some contingency plans, maybe we all would have felt a little less crummy about the situation and the company would have saved themselves some hassle in the long run (within 18 months, every single person on the team had quit). I definitely think it’s worth exploring how “being a good employee” and “taking ownership of your job” can leave us feeling personal guilt over something that is a systemic problem.
Re: Mimi vs JLO - I agree, Lainey. The fabulousness of their feud is that they both know they are fabulous. LOL From what I remember reading, Mariah feels a certain way about JLo because her ex-husband Tommy, a powerful label exec, got JaRule to do a feature on a JLo song and put the song out before Mariah could get her song out with JaRule so Mariah removed Ja from the record and enlisted another rapper. Mariah felt like this was one of many instances of Tommy sabotaging her work. JLo was working on her second album at the time and probably had no clue of Tommy's motives. But, Mimi's bad marriage era with Tommy was traumatic for her and so anybody associated with him, intentionally or not, and his evil schemes she distanced herself from. As for the claims JLo stole records, alot of that is just JLo hate. The only instances you see recycled are about singers Christina Milian, Amerie and Ashanti. Christina Milian posts in support of JLo all the time and squashes these rumors when she sees them on social. She says that she gave "Play" which she co-wrote, to JLo because she didn't want two party records on her album and she notes she received credit and was honored to do it. With the Amerie song "One Thing" the story goes the label wanted JLo to have the record because they knew it would be an even bigger hit with her, so Amerie released it early. Good for her. I love that song to this day, but as much as I love Amerie, the song would have been an even bigger global hit had JLo released it and the label would have made more money off it. And, Ashanti penned a couple of JLo records and provided backing vocals and was credited and compensated. Ashanti is friendly with JLo to this day and was even at one of her birthday parties in recent years. In the label system, as it existed back in the early 2000s, jockeying for records was common. I read not long ago, Britney wanted Ciara's Goodies record. Some Amerie fans are still bitter about how, allegedly, Bey stole Amerie's sound to launch her own solo career with Crazy In Love. The truth is, everyone wants to work with the hottest songwriters, producers, or rappers of the moment, so it's actually really easy to have stretches where everyone's music sounds the same or have similar elements. Anyway, like Lainey says, I think both women kind of stick to a close circle of family and friends for the most part, but I have seen where they do seem to have friendships/friendly associations with other celebs they just don't promote them.
JLo is lovely, but there's no way she could have done a better job at the vocals of "One Thing". A wider audience? Absolutely. "Get Right " was a similar vibe. Amerie was right to put it out because it's attached to her in perpetuity. Mimi seems to have Black Atlanta celebrity relationships (The Bray, Jermaine Dupri and her backup singers).
Hi - Never said she would have done a better job vocally, but yes, a JLo version would have sold more for sure. Get Right, One Thing, and Crazy in Love are all Rich Harrison songs. I believe Amerie worked with him first and with her being from D.C. the whole go go vibe was considered hers. Then, Bey came out with Crazy in Love and it seemed like highway robbery. It's one of the things other fanbases of RnB artists like Amerie have held against Beyonce for years. There are many youtube videos, articles and social threads dedicated to did Bey steal Amerie's sound and career. I don't think she did at all. It's the business. I say all this to say that not just JLo gets accused. I think it happens with success. Yes, Mimi associates with Jermaine Dupri (who produced her rnb hits after she divorced Tommy) and DaBrat who was Jermaine's artist and Brat considers him her brother. JLo is close with her team: Benny Medina (her manager - The Fresh Prince of Bellair is based on his life), her vocal coach Steve Mackey who went to my cousin's HBCU, and Shawn Barton who I remember from the Biggie video days. Both these ladies keep it small. Both are New Yorkers, are the same age, have dated their backup dancers and are extremely successful. They share friends in common too like MJB. I say had Tommy not gotten in the way, they would possibly be friends. Men!
I just wanted to say her voice was better. I didn't think that was your point. Beyonce having sticky fingers when it comes to songs is something I had heard regarding "If I Was a Boy", but I had no idea about this whole stealing of Amerie's career conspiracy theory. When it comes to Beyonce and any other artist from TX, I'm biased even if they're not my personal favorite. Did Beyonce have a phase where she was mimicking? I recall her Shakira hip rolling before they did their collab. She's managed to make it more of an appreciation than taking ownership lately and I'm glad about that. Beyonce probably committed some sins, but she's from TX so I cannot give her much criticism. Same with Jessica Simpson, Willie Nelson etc. It's not that I am advocating for TX over everything, but it's just ingrained.
I just don't think Mimi would respect Jlo because the singing is not it. Besides, at one point she wasn't gelling with Whitney. Idk.
Understood. Don't mess with Texas. LOL But who wasn't getting with Whitney? Mariah and Whitney started off rough because the industry tried to pit them against each other but they became friends at the end. I don't think JLo or Whitney knew each other like that to even have a problem. As for Bey mimicking, yeah, she was accused for years, probably every era until Lemonade. I still think alot of that is just when everyone works with the top people (songwriters, producers, stylists, artistic directors, etc.) there are bound to be similarities.
They did find a way to friendship, but I feel like they had an Aretha rule about singing. I'm not saying I'm correct, but I think the professional respect would be low with Mimi and Jennifer. It's not common that light skilled singers inhabit the same space as real singers. However, Jlo conquered film and Mimi probably could have given her help. HOWEVER, Jlo was also stepping over boundaries with her dating of Diddy when he clearly had a girlfriend (she wore the stink more than he did and look at him now... still community property).I don't know about black celebrity women, but in regular life Jlo was not spoken of positively because of that. I enjoy her, but I just don't know that she's schmoozing and gathering a power clique like Gwyneth. I think Lainey has a point regarding how they keep it consistent and very tight without being showy.
I agree regarding the similarities of production creating similar outputs. The machine doesn't actually reward unique work.
And a follow up comment that I completely agree with Lainey’s theory about Taylor’s desire to be chill and “normal” (as much as a super famous star can be normal!). It’s why she goes out to dinner with her girlfriends (as that excellent Vulture piece pointed out) and is seen wearing brands like Free People and Reformation that her fan base can potentially buy themselves. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the lines from her song “King of My Heart” that go “drinking beer out of plastic cups / say you fancy me, not fancy stuff / baby, all at once, this is enough.” I think Taylor consistently celebrates the ordinary in her music, which is part celebrity branding, but call me naive, I think partly real and true for her! And it’s definitely the way she writes about romance in her songs. Maybe in Travis she’s found the guy that can do both normal and celebrity.
IIRC, I think Taylor once said she didn't like NDAs because it automatically turned any kind of interaction into a business transaction and she both didn't like that and thought it made people more likely to want to leak, etc. I think the gist was once you turn it into a formal agreement, then people don't feel bad about leaking because their interaction with you is just a business transaction (which is what you made it by handing them a contract). I am sure some of that was performative and that she does sometimes use NDAs, but I thought it was interesting nonetheless. And honestly pretty insightful about using people's emotions to keep them in check (not necessarily in a bad way).
This is the only way I would believe Taylor wouldn’t ask people to sign NDAs. I LOVE Taylor (borderline obsession) but I take her at her word when she says she’s Machiavellian. That woman is playing 4D chess at all times and I refuse to take anything she does at face value.
This is probably a very naive take but I think, like how she alludes to keeping her side of the street clean in “karma”, she also doesn’t feel like she has skeletons to hide. I doubt that’s the only consideration but maybe a piece of the puzzle.
I don't have a career that I care about so that might make me an outlier here (congrats to all of you who work in your chosen fields and kick ass in them) so I just never developed any feelings for the work I've done. Anyone could do the jobs I've had, as a consequence I've never felt any guilt over taking time off when I needed it or just plain quitting when I didn't want to do them anymore. I certainly respect that Lainey, Sarah and a lot of you have great careers, you worked hard to earn them but some of us just have jobs, they pay us to keep a roof over our heads and food in our bellies, I cannot give something like that my heart and soul, so I'm certainly never going to feel guilty for the times I didn't do them to the best of my ability or just up and left, I was a cog, I'll never be more than that so they aren't getting my guilt. Nope.
Even liking my day job, they have my attention from 9-5 M-F, if they want more than that, they can pay overtime. I will fuck off on vacation and not think about work once. Work is not family, work does not love me, work will not care for me when I'm old. Admittedly, it took me some time to get over the work guilt, but it is so freeing to put work in its proper place--not in my top 3 priorities.
I care WAY more about what I do here with LG, I am more inclined to feel work guilt for LG, but Lainey would never put that on me, which is the difference.
Can I get an amen up in here!
I really wish I had heard more of this perspective growing up. There was so much emphasis on doing “finding your passion” and “doing what you love.” I think that gave me some unhealthy ideas about where to find fulfillment in life. One pandemic and professional burnout later I’m starting to care about work as much as the employer cares about me (that is: only as much as it’s useful to me)
I do not remember where I heard this, but I'm almost certain it was a Ted Talk, and someone said something like--"finding your passion" is a trap to convince people to put work first over family and personal enrichment. Some people are lucky enough to have jobs that they're passionate about, but most of us will just work for wages. There's nothing wrong with saying work isn't a top priority, there's nothing wrong with treating your job like what it is--your job. It's not your life or who you are. It's just your job.
Yes! Sarah Jaffe wrote a whole book about this called Work Won’t Love You Back about the history of “find your passion” culture in the workplace.
There's that joke which I love: "what's your dream job?" "we don't dream of labor."
+100 on the work guilt. I'm on a sabbatical right now, and I feel guilty for not working while my partner is working. And then I also feel guilty if I haven't done something productive during the day when the whole point of the sabbatical is to relax.
Have any LG writers felt like they were shit writers when they first started? I constantly feel like I’m the shittiest writer in the room, and it’s starting to weigh on me, to the point where I want to leave television for good. I have no problem pulling ideas out of my ass,but when it comes to writing, I don’t know how to improve. It’s so nuanced and open to interpretation, unlike math where there’s a “formula.“
Unfortunately, there's definitely not a formula. But in terms of improvement, the only way to do it is to keep doing it. Like Lainey said you can't fix nothing.
Read everything. If you're writing for film/TV watch everything, too. Even if it's not your personal taste the more you take in, the more you can put out. And just keep grinding. What helps me is that I have a file called "garbage" that is full of fragments and stupid stuff that I'm never going to turn into anything, but when I'm stuck and the juices aren't flowing, I just work in the garbage file until something knocks loose. The only way out is through.
Appreciate this take🙏🙏
"I guess he’s kind of like Justin Timberlake" - this feels so much like "Bless his heart" levels of shade. Even it wasn't written with that in mind, I still love it and choose to interpret it that way. Thank you, Lainey & Sarah, for answering my question. And now I'm totally looking forward to Lainey's Drake piece.
There's no post about today's Taylor story but wanted to clarify that she will NOT be rerecording Lover as she already owns it (Lainey wrote: "so now they’re also thinking that Lover will be the next re-recorded album to drop at some point".) The theory is she will be announcing reputation's release date tonight as it's the 6th anniversary of its original release and apparently the light-up bracelets flashed six times similarly to three times before the announcement of her third album Speak Now and five times before 1989.
I was so confused about that as well, and thought that she owned Lover already. Rewatching the Reputation Netflix special right now!!! 🐍
I also emailed Lainey about her owning Lover and then laughed so hard at myself for a) knowing and b) caring enough to email. Travis is in Argentina though, can’t wait for the next episode of the TNT rom com. Maybe she’s wearing pink because she’s in love.
Thank you, Lil, for bringing back one of my favorite Fametracker sayings, "Why Is [So and So]?" A CLASSIC!
I miss Fametracker and Television without Pity so much! The snark was so good.